I'm not addicted to coffee, we're just in a committed relationship.
Not your average day – it's a whimsical fiesta of fun!
Eating snacks and cracking jokes – my daily workout.
I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right. 💁♂️
I'm not ignoring you, I'm just prioritizing my attention elsewhere. Like Netflix.
I'm not shy, I'm just holding back my awesomeness so I don't intimidate you.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.
Attempting to be an adult, but mostly just being a professional goofball.
The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
I'm not a player, I just crush a lot... of candy in Candy Crush.
Just over here being the life of the party...in my own living room.
Being normal is overrated. Let's be hilarious instead.
Dancing through the chaos of everyday with a funny twist.
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
Life's too short to be taken seriously. Cue the laughter.
Trying to adult but ended up making a blanket fort instead. Productive day, I'd say.
You can't make everyone happy, you're not a jar of Nutella.
If laughter is the best medicine, call me a pharmacist.
My hobbies include eating and complaining that I'm gaining weight.
I'm not forgetful, I'm just creating a surprise scavenger hunt for myself.
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Lost in the absurdity of my own hilarious adventures.
Just casually engaging in some absurdity, you know, the usual.
I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.
Catching flights, not feelings. Laughter is my destination.
I'm not lazy, I'm just conserving energy for something big... like nap time.
When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.
Life is a comedy – I'm just here for the punchlines.
Having a 'what am I doing with my life' moment, but make it funny.
I came, I saw, I made it awkward. Mission accomplished.
Creating a symphony of laughter in the orchestra of life.
Tickling your funny bone with some whimsical tales.
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Sarcasm is my second language. Fluent and fabulous.
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
Just casually creating a comedy show in my daily routine.
I'm not late, I'm just fashionably challenged when it comes to time.
I am an early bird and a night owl... so I am wise and I have worms.
I'm not disorganized, I just have a different way of arranging things.
Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
If laughter is contagious, consider me patient zero.
Told myself I'd be productive today. Ended up binge-watching cat videos. Worth it.
Just attempted to cook. Smoke detector applauded. Mission failed.
When your day is full of whimsical shenanigans and questionable decisions.
My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I was supposed to do.
The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook.
I followed my heart, and it led me to the fridge. 🍔🍟
In the grand scheme of things, I'm just a tiny human causing big laughs.