I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
I'm not shy; I'm holding back my awesomeness so I don't intimidate you.
The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
Behind every great man, there is a woman rolling her eyes.
I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.
I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.