I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I'm writing a term paper on a subject I know nothing about. I need three more quotes by tomorrow.
Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia. She whispered, 'They're right behind you.'
I'm not shy; I'm holding back my awesomeness so I don't intimidate you.
The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago, it was grass.'
I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
I'm not lazy, I'm in energy-saving mode.
I'm so optimistic, I'd go after Moby Dick in a rowboat and take the tartar sauce with me.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
Behind every great man, there is a woman rolling her eyes.
I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.
I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.