Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
I thought I was wrong once, but it turns out I was mistaken.
Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.
If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner.
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.