I'm not saying I'm Wonder Woman, I'm just saying no one has ever seen me and Wonder Woman in the same room together.

I asked the librarian if the library had books on paranoia. She whispered, 'They're right behind you.'

I told my computer I needed a break, now it won't stop sending me vacation ads.

I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right in a way that everyone else can understand.

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.

Hashtags for Captions on Funny Moments

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