I don't need a parachute to skydive. I need one to get up in the morning.
I'm not saying the glass is half empty, but it's definitely not filled to the brim.
I'm not a pessimist, I'm just an experienced optimist.
I don't need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off.
I used to be a people person, but people ruined that for me.
If life gives you lemons, demand to see the manager.
If life gives you melons, you're probably dyslexic.