I'm not an alcoholic, I only drink two times a year. On my birthday, and when it's not my birthday.
I feel bad for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
The first glass is for myself, the second for my friends, the third for good humor, and the forth for my enemies.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.