To alcohol! The cause of... and solution to... all of life's problems.
I'm not an alcoholic, I only drink two times a year. On my birthday, and when it's not my birthday.
I drink to make other people more interesting.
I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
I feel bad for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
Drinking is not the answer, but it helps you forget the question.
One martini is all right. Two are too many, and three are not enough.
The first glass is for myself, the second for my friends, the third for good humor, and the forth for my enemies.
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.
I envy people who drink. At least they have something to blame everything on.
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol.
I don't have a drinking problem, 'Cept when I can't get a drink.
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria.
I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.
A man's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink.
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.