Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
In wine, there is wisdom. In beer, there is freedom. In water, there is bacteria.
I don't have a drinking problem 'Cept when I can't get a drink.
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
One martini is all right. Two are too many, and three are not enough.
I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.