Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
I feel bad for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
In wine, there is wisdom. In beer, there is freedom. In water, there is bacteria.
I don't have a drinking problem 'Cept when I can't get a drink.
Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
I drink to make other people more interesting.
One martini is all right. Two are too many, and three are not enough.
I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
Beer, it's the best damn drink in the world.
I drink to forget I drink.
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.