Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
Champagne is the only wine that leaves a woman beautiful after drinking it.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy.
I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
There is no bad whiskey. There are only some whiskeys that aren't as good as others.
To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.
A man cannot make him laugh - but that's no marvel; he drinks no wine.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria.
One martini is all right. Two are too many, and three are not enough.
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.
Give me a woman who truly loves beer, and I will conquer the world.