Behind every successful person is a substantial amount of coffee and laughter. Fuel up!
If laughter is the sound of a joyful soul, consider me a soulful DJ. Turn up the laughter!
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve it through not dying.
Laughter is the shortest distance between two people. Bridge the gap with a good joke!
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.
Jokes are like chocolate - sweet, addicting, and best enjoyed in large quantities. Indulge yourself!
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Jokes so good, you'll wonder why you didn't think of them first. Embrace the humor envy!
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the heck she is.
The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.