Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
There is no bad whiskey. There are only some whiskeys that aren't as good as others.
I would rather have a free bottle in front of me than a prefrontal lobotomy.
One martini is all right. Two are too many, and three are not enough.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost three days already.
Happiness is finding two olives in your martini when you're hungry.
What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy.
I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.