Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
There is no bad whiskey. There are only some whiskeys that aren't as good as others.
I would rather have a free bottle in front of me than a prefrontal lobotomy.
One martini is all right. Two are too many, and three are not enough.
A man who lies about beer makes enemies.
I feel bad for people who don't drink. They wake up in the morning and that's the best they're going to feel all day.
I love to drink martinis, two at the very most, three I'm under the table, four I'm under the host!
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost three days already.
Happiness is finding two olives in your martini when you're hungry.
I like to have a martini, two at the very most. After three I'm under the table, after four I'm under my host.
What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy.
I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
I drink to make other people more interesting.
A drink a day keeps the shrink away.
Cocktails are a present you give to yourself.