I'm not forgetful, I'm just preoccupied with more important things.
When life gives you lemons, trade them for coffee.
I'm not a control freak, but you should probably do it my way.
I'm not lazy, I'm on energy-saving mode.
I'm not weird, I'm limited edition.
I'm not short, I'm fun-sized.
I'm not late, everyone else is just early.
I'm not a morning person, I'm a coffee person.
I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
I'm not clumsy, it's just the floor hates me.