I'm not clumsy, it's just the floor hates me, the tables and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.
I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
I'm not short, I'm just more down to earth than most people.
I put the 'pro' in procrastination.
I'm not weird, I'm a limited edition.
When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.
I'm not a player, I just crush a lot...of candy.
My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.
I'm not lazy, I'm on energy-saving mode.
I'm not late, I'm on my own time zone.