I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
I'm not clumsy, it's just the floor hates me, the tables and chairs are bullies, and the wall gets in my way.
I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
I don't need a hairstylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then find someone whose life gave them vodka and have a party!
I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode.
The only exercise I've done this month is running out of money.
I'm not short, I'm just concentrated awesome!
I'm not addicted to coffee, we're just in a committed relationship.