I don't need a hairstylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.
My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry.
I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode.
I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.
I'm not short, I'm just concentrated awesome.
I'm not clumsy, I'm just allergic to gravity.
I don't need an inspirational quote. I need coffee.
I'm not weird, I'm a limited edition.