I'm not shy. I'm just holding back my awesomeness so I don't intimidate you.
I'm not lazy. I'm just on energy-saving mode.
I'm not clumsy. It's just the floor hates me, the tables and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.
I'm on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.
I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
I never make the same mistake twice. I make it five or six times, just to be sure.
I'm not short. I'm just concentrated awesome.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.