I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.
The only running I do is running late.
I don't need anger management. You just need to stop making me angry.
I'm not short, I'm fun-sized.
I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode.
I'm not clumsy, the floor just hates me.
I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
When life gives you lemons, trade them for coffee.