Java is the best thing since sliced bread.
Java is a language of promise.

Java is C++ without the guns, knives, and clubs.
Java is a gentle slope language, that gets steeper as you learn.
Java is so Internet, it's not even funny.
Java is the most widely deployed technology in the history of computing.
Java is a programming language, not a coffee bean.

Java is a DSL for taking large XML files and converting them to stack traces.

Java is the most distressing thing to hit computing since MS-DOS.
Java is to JavaScript what car is to carpet.
Java is a blue-collar language.
Java is, in many ways, C++--.
Java is a grey-haired language.
Java is the de facto platform for cloud computing.
Java is great because it allows you to write code that is more about what you want to say, and less about how you want to say it.
Java is slow and has a full-time job of eating memory.