Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose.
My favorite shots are the practice swing and the conceded putt. The rest can never be mastered.
Golf is a game in which you yell 'fore,' shoot six, and write down five.
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.
Golf is a game in which the ball lies poorly and the players well.
I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles.
If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.
The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flagstick on top.
Golf is a good walk spoiled.
Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated.
Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick.
I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators.
Golf is played not on a course, but in the five and a half inches between your ears.
The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course.
I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone's golf game: it's called an eraser.
You know you're on the Senior Tour when your back goes out more than you do.
The most important shot in golf is the next one.
The only thing a golfer needs is more daylight.
It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
To find a man's true character, play golf with him.