There are two things worth living for: a good cigar and a woman to smoke it with.
If I had taken my doctor's advice and quit smoking when he advised me to, I wouldn't have lived to go to his funeral.
I smoke cigars occasionally, but only as a pastime, not as a habit. I'm in the hospital business, not the cigar business.
Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.
I drink a great deal. I sleep a little, and I smoke cigar after cigar. That is why I am in two-hundred-percent form.
A cigar ought not to be smoked solely with the mouth, but with the hand, the eyes, and with the spirit.
Eating and sleeping are the only activities that should be allowed to interrupt a man's enjoyment of his cigar.
A cigar is like a mistress; if you are caught with it, you will have to face the consequences.
I've never met a cigar smoker who wasn't a man of great integrity and character.
I don't like to drink, but I will if I have to... I'd rather smoke.
A good cigar is like a beautiful chick with a great body who also knows the American League box scores.
I smoke in moderation. Only one cigar at a time.
If I cannot smoke in heaven, then I shall not go.
You can't buy happiness, but you can buy cigars, and that's pretty close.
A fine cigar is just like a woman. If you don't light it up just right and suck on it with a certain frequency, it will go out on you.
A good cigar is as great a comfort to a man as a good cry to a woman.
A good smoking is a slow smoking.
A woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke.
A cigar is as good as memories that you have when you smoked it.