Dear sleep, sorry I ignored you in my teens and 20s, but now we're back together, I promise!
I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.
I don't sweat, I sparkle.
I'm not short, I'm concentrated awesome!
Bro, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade, then find someone whose life gave them vodka and have a party!
I'm not a player, I'm a gamer. Players get chicks, I get achievements.
I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
I'm not lazy, I'm just in energy-saving mode.
If being awesome was a crime, I'd be serving a life sentence.