I'm not lazy, I'm on energy-saving mode.
I'm not clumsy, everything just gravitates towards the floor.
I'm not short, I'm concentrated awesome!
I'm not addicted to chocolate. We're just in a committed relationship.
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then find someone whose life gave them vodka and have a party!
I don't need a hairstylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning!
My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.